dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
