U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
