i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
