3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
