Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
