I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
