Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Someone shit on the floor
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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