matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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