I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Two words: nipple clamps
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
