why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
