last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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