Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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