We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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