I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
