I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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