listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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