she was so not down for the gang bang
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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