There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your cock deserves a montage
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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