He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
