apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
