5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
