i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
