If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
