i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
