I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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