I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
