Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
