hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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