I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
