just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
