the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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