from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
