apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
