#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
God, I missed his penis.
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