I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
