If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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