you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
