I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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