Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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