Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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