would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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