just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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