did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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