I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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