covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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