What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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