rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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