It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
