Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
