i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
