My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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