I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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