you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
